I was in a commuter omnibus the other day (gee that’s a long word, I should have just said kombi), and a certain young man was sitting behind me. I couldn't help but be awed by the way he was interacting with fellow passengers, he was so polite, genuinely polite. Courteous words slid of his tongue like...um... like what?... like a car sliding off the highway in Bulawayo Road on a rainy night. Not that air-brushed, slightly-overdone, Christian, munhuwamwari politeness, I’m talking about real politeness here, natural and effortless. Real respect, the real deal. I mean, he was making the hwindi feel like the Senior Partner at Ernst & Young!

In today’s society that, right there, is the stuff of legends, there should be a museum for people like that. When that guy dies, I’m gonna have his statue in my front yard, or better yet, in First Street for all to see. People who can still recognise the value of everyone they meet despite whatever station they hold in life are real heroes. Superheroes who can appreciate that divine value the Ever-present Almighty sealed in every one of us, that’s priceless.

“Respect is a positive feeling of esteem or reverence for a person or other entity.” That is how the greatest Know-it-all, Wikipedia, defines respect. Er…um, that was disrespectful, I take that back, that is how Wikipedia, the site with the richest alluvial deposits of information, defines respect. The Shona say “munhu anebasa rake anebasa rake,” which means, “a person who’s got their job, has got their job,”  which means, respect whoever is playing a role in society no matter how small it may seem to you. Respect security guards, cleaners, maids, garden boys, kombi crews and the guys who shout “Tooown-Copacabanaaaa!”, politicians, debt collectors, even the police! Respect every one because everyone was strategically placed on this planet for a reason.

Guys you are not getting me, I’m talking about respect from the heart, not that kind of respect you give to a long forgotten relative you are suddenly pretending to care about because they showed up. I’m talking about the respect that leaves a warm fuzzy feeling in your heart after you give it, like just after having a normal conversation with a street-kid, well a street-father to be more precise. I’m not talking about tolerating their chatter, I mean a hearty exchange, because for some unknown reason, you see something good, valuable and important in them.

Let’s not look down upon other people, there is really no reason why you should feel you are mightier than thou, we are all small pieces of a bigger picture. Respect the bigger picture and you will be amazed by how completely unexpected people will contribute to your life.

Each and every one of you reading this, I’m inviting you to actively take part in restoring respect in our society. Try to show respect to at least one person every day. Respect other cars while you are driving, respect pedestrians, don’t straddle too far the stop lines at the stop lights; give them their due space to cross the road. Respect the elderly at queues, you will be thankful for this seed you are planting when you get old.

Why show respect? Because it breeds community, friendship and peace; because it increases productivity and sparks creativity. Increased productivity and creativity will improve the economy and better our livelihood. Respect because you also want to be respected. Respect because you need every help you can get, for you to live your purpose and achieve your life goals.

That is why I will conclude my unborn child’s bedtime story by saying, “After almost begging the conductor to drop him by his bus stop, the young man neatly folded the kombi seat blocking his way, and gently alighted. He turned his head and looked at the conductor, eyes beaming like the crack of dawn. From the deepest, utmost, darkest, warmest pits of his heart, he said. ‘Thank you, my brother…’”.

Together we can make this work.

I wish you success.

THE 7 HABITS PRIMER

ed. Zaine Ridling, Ph.D.

Life is short. So live… love… learn… and pay it forward. I seek meaningful experience through mindfulness each day, to walk peacefully within myself, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of cats, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to enjoy art and beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world enriched through my contributions, and to know that others have lived easier because of me.

1. BE RESPONSIBLE. BE PROACTIVE. THE HABIT OF PERSONAL VISION.

I have the ability to choose my own response. I carry my own weather – whether it rains or shines makes no difference to me. See the world with new eyes by knowing that my honor is greater than my moods. BY GROUNDING my emotional life not on the moods or weaknesses of others, but upon my self-chosen values, my behavior is a product of my own conscious choices based on principles, rather than a product of my conditions, based on feelings. Focus time and energy on things I can control (circle of influence) in lieu of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which I have little or no control (circle of concern). In so doing, I become RESPONSE-ABLE. And by practicing this habit, who I am is not determined by what happens to me, but by how I choose to respond to it.

2. BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND. THE HABIT OF PERSONAL LEADERSHIP.

Without VISION, I diminish. All things are created twice: the mental or first creation, and the physical or second creation. The second creation follows from the first, just as a building follows from a blueprint. If I fail to develop my own SELF-AWARENESS and become responsible for first creations, I empower other people and circumstances to shape my life by default. So begin each day with the blueprint of my deepest values firmly in mind. Then as challenges come, make decisions BASED on those values. The busiest people are often the least effective; BUSYNESS is common to those trapped in Q1 & Q3 instead of Q2, where Habits 1,2, 3 are grounded. Lead a life centered on the principles of QUALITY, patience, authenticity, WONDER, mindfulness, self-knowledge, and comport myself as an archetype gentleman scholar.

3. PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST. THE HABIT OF PERSONAL MANAGEMENT.

The key is to schedule my priorities, not to prioritize my schedule. Therefore, do the important things first – because where you are headed is more important than how fast you are going. SAY NO TO THE UNIMPORTANT, no matter how urgent, and yes to the important. Also, don't confuse the vital for the important: money (or whatever) might be vital, but one need not make it their whole life. Remember that frustration is a function of our expectations, not our realizations. So trade crises for progress by focusing on things that are truly important. When I put first things first, I don't just do things differently – I do DIFFERENT THINGS.

4. THINK WIN-WIN. THE HABIT OF INTERPERSONAL LEADERSHIP.

[Relationships start here.]

Win-Win is a belief in the Third Alternative springing from an abundance mentality. It's not your way or my way; it's a better way; a higher way. Character is the foundation of win-win which is comprised of integrity, ABUNDANCE mentality, and maturity. Win-Win is the attitude of seeking either mutual benefit or being able to say no deal. Life is best lived cooperatively, not competitively. Everyone I meet is my mirror, thus it is easier to be caring than hostile. My friends are all around me; I just haven't met them all yet. Difficult people can be my greatest teachers for what I need most at that moment.

5. SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD. THE HABIT OF COMMUNICATION.

 [Relationships succeed here.]

To fully, deeply understand another is to listen with the eyes and the heart, which inspires openness and trust. Give others PSYCHOLOGICAL AIR by listening to understand their perspective, avoiding autobiographical responses, and by letting them finish their sentences. Empathic listening within the other's frame of reference opens me to be influenced. The paradox is that in order to have influence, I must first be influenced. HUMBLE myself by acknowledging that I can be unenthusiastic, impulsive, undisciplined, pessimistic, and an impatient listener. Then strive to transform those same weaknesses into strengths. Always be loyal to the absent – always. Like food, less talk is actually more.

6. SYNERGIZE. THE HABIT OF CREATIVE COOPERATION/TEAMWORK. POTENTIAL.

[Relationships flourish here.]

Synergy is the culmination of all the previous habits. Synergy uses differences to build unforeseen strengths. Left to our own experiences, we constantly suffer from insufficient data. Compromise, which seeks only an end, is 1+1=1½, whereas synergy, which seeks a new beginning, makes 1+1=3, 4, or more. Value differences (respect them!) to build on strengths and compensate for weaknesses. Different perspectives INFORM my knowledge and expand my experience. This is done by realizing that people see the world not as it is, but as they are [conditioned to see it]. Be sensitive to others' mental maps (paradigms) which have been constructed to this point in their life with their own experiences.

7. SHARPEN THE SAW. THE HABIT OF SELF-RENEWAL.
Spend one hour each day renewing and enhancing the greatest asset I have – myself – through the physical, spiritual, mental and social/emotional dimensions of my nature. Success has two sides: production capability (PC), and production (P). Without the renewal of PC, P begins to diminish, and eventually perishes. RECOGNIZE my strengths daily, reaching for new ones. REMEMBER what is important in life is learning, health, purpose, conformity to my own uniqueness, temperance, and inner peace. Learning will always return meaning and energy to my effort, so I'm never alone with a great book.

In Brief:

1. BE PROACTIVE

• I am responsible for my choices and have the freedom to choose.
• I am responsible of my behavior and the choices I make.
• I can expand my personal freedom and influence through being response-able.
• Recognize reactive triggers, increase my circle of influence, become a transition person and exercise the four human endowments.

2. BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND

• Mental creation precedes physical creation.
• I can choose my future and create a vision of it.
• I will create results mentally before beginning any activity.

3. FIRST THINGS FIRST

• Effectiveness requires balancing important relationships, roles, and activities.
• Things which matter most should never be at the mercy of things which matter least.
• Focus on Quadrant II and plan weekly; implement daily, based on my mission.

4. THINK WIN-WIN

• Effective relationships require mutual benefit.
• I seek the benefit of others, as well as my own.
• I get better results by cooperating interdependently than competing independently.
• Balance courage with consideration and persist in looking for win-win outcomes.

5. SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD

• Diagnosis must precede prescription, and understanding comes through listening.
• Assume I don't fully understand and by listening first, I'll be better understood.
• Use empathic listening… from the other's frame of reference.

6. SYNERGIZE

• The whole is more than the sum of its parts.
• I value the differences in others and seek the Third Alternative (a cooperative solution reached in a win-win spirit that all parties feel good about).
• Working together cooperatively takes time but produces better long-term results.
• Use the synergy ground rules (win-win mentality; open mind; value differences) & apply habits 4 & 5.

7. SHARPEN THE SAW

• Production (results) require the development of Production Capability (resources).
• I will continuously improve and renew in the four dimensions of life.
• Set and achieve goals for personal P/PC balance.

The thorough details of these 7 Habits and the principles upon which they are founded are in the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People written by the Great Stephen R. Covey.